Ties that Bind

brown rope tangled and formed into heart shape on brown wooden rail

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There’s a white space. I am outside looking at it. It’s a square and looks quite small. I feel as if I could step into it if I wanted to. Now inside and feels like I am floating. It’s huge, I can’t see the end. It feels nice. I am tumbling around in this space just having fun. It is not like I can walk in this space. I’m just tumbling around not going anywhere. I see a planet on the left corner. Maybe I’m just making it up.

There is a light, bluish black and I’m standing on something spherical. It feels as if I can get sucked into it. Now it feels green, like moss, softer. More like planet earth, somewhere with a lot of green, grass, green paddocks. The sky is blue.

This is weird but now it’s something like a ship. A really old sunken ship. I’m under the sea. It feels like some people in there are related to me. It feels female. She says she’s my mother. I’m trying to tell her to let me go. She doesn’t want me to. She keeps wanting me to visit the sunken ship but I don’t want to. I don’t really want to visit here anymore. She doesn’t want to leave the ship. She wants me to stay with her. She does not want to lose me. But I want to be free. I can’t leave her if she’s not okay. I keep coming back to visit her.

Is there anybody else around to take care of her?
She has the goddess of mercy.

Ask the goddess what you can do about it.
She says I have to go. It is not helping all of us. We have separate tasks. My mom has things to do but that is not my path. She keeps making me do that. I’m not strong enough to discern which path I need to take when I’m around her.
Goddess says I need to find new ways to let my mom know that I care. She says that I need to pray for my mom. Daily make a wish that she’ll be happy.

You’re feeling that you’re stuck in your present life, is this part of it?
I always feel I couldn’t explore things that I wanted to. But if I did, not just my mom but my dad would get devastated. There’ll be drama. And I am just too tired to deal with the drama. I hate the drama so I just don’t. Don’t have the energy to deal with them.

So not just release from your mom but also your dad. Can goddess help?
That’s done. Tired but relieved.

Any more things that you need to release?
My grandmother wanted me to stay. Grandma knows that she can’t have me forever but she’s just trying her luck, saying things that will make me stay. She knows I’ll leave but will know the time to come back to her side.

Goddess said I don’t communicate and that makes people very confused. I need to tell my grandmother I have to go and why I need to go but I don’t, so she doesn’t understand. She says the most compassionate thing that I can do is to allow the people who love me to know me. I need her to help me.

How will she do it?
She says when I think about her I will do it.

Can she show you your new path?
She cannot.



She studied overseas and wished to remain there. However, her family insisted that she returned home upon completion to fulfill her filial responsibilities. She was in healthcare services and became severely depressed. 

Her amazing adventure and startling revelations continue in Part 2, New Brain