This successful, kind-hearted, young professional was distraught at the prospect of ending a two-year relationship which had become increasingly difficult. Following previous failed relationships, she wondered what was wrong with her. When she started conscious dreaming, this came through:
Y: I get a feeling of tiredness. My heart feels quite blocked.
A: What is causing that?
Y: My mother. My mother tends to want me to be a certain way. I feel very powerless and helpless cos I cannot control her. She is doing all these for me out of love. How she shows me love and how I am starting to show my partner love is the same. Even though I didn’t like it and it makes me feel very frustrated. I have to learn to see and accept things as it is.
A: I’m just wondering whether that pattern actually got hardwired into your brain and conditioning. Go have a look.
Y: There’s a hard wiring of how love should be. I’m breaking it.
A: What else is in your head and your conditioning?
Y: I also have this belief that I cannot do it on my own. I need people around me to do it and I can’t do it on my own.
A: Where did this conditioning come from?
Y: If I do things the right way, I get love. If I do things the wrong way, there is a withdrawal of love. I feel a lot of resistance inside me, a feeling of helplessness. That I cannot do anything – it is not within my power. My shoulders and neck feel very tight. I also feel that whatever I do I will never be good enough. I see a knot.
A: Unravel it. How do you feel now?
Y: I feel warmth and acceptance.
Y: There’s a part of me that wants things my way. When I don’t get it, I get upset.
A: Is that another knot?
Y: It’s a double knot, it is difficult to untie. I’m tired. Slowly it’s getting untied. It’s done. And in its place, there is more space now. Unlike the other one where there is warmth and acceptance, this gives more space.
Y: I need to be perfect to be loved.
A: How does that look?
Y: It looks complicated. I do not know what it is I get scolded for, so I am not sure which is the wrong I did. So I try to be perfect. This way I will not get scolded. It was a very tough knot to undo. All done now.
Y: I feel I cannot relax. Always defensive. Need to protect myself.
A: How does that look?
Y: A braid. It’s about learning to trust. I need to learn to trust. Because I do not feel safe, I need to protect myself. I now see a bridge. It’s a very solid bridge made of brick. It is very stable. It links me to new worlds. The possibilities are opening up. I want to explore. There’s nature, garden, animals, back to innocence, back to the simple joys in life, a place where I can just be, without any expectations. I am just letting go of all the expectations and pressures put upon myself.
A: Cool, any other knots?
Y: It’s about self doubt. I need to learn to trust myself instead of beating myself up. Trust myself and trust that everything will go well. I’m holding a sword. A sword encased with jewels. There’s engraving, gold colour with jewels. Feels like I have the power, strength, stability, grounded. Feels like I am a warrior. In my heart is the love, compassion, courage, fearlessness to walk the path. Discipline. Will. The strength. Feels that I am equipped with the tools to carry on the journey. It’s going to be a fun journey.
Dreamer’s Session Review & Takeaways
I start to see a lot of belief systems I have that are self sabotaging. It comes from my mum who is always telling me what to do, and that she knows better. I find myself doing the same thing to my partner.
Message I got from the session – to have fun, let go, enjoy the process, and hold on to the sword which gives me strength, stability and power. And the bridge links me back to the garden where I can just be. I’m feeling more at peace – I get to bring these new tools into my life – bridge and sword.
I see how these patterns play out in my life, it’s about me having trust and allowing myself not to be perfect. By giving permission to myself not to be perfect, I give others the permission not be perfect too.