My Rabbit Hole

green leaves
Photo by Johannes Rapprich on

Here is a quiet, college student who self identified as hyper yet introverted, keeps to his room and finds interacting with people extremely uncomfortable and ‘prickly’. What emerged was an intelligent, highly intuitive chap curious about the human condition and now ready to engage with the world.

This information came through after about 30 minutes of exploration: It’s about not being heard, not being able to express myself, talking to someone but not saying what you actually want to say. Knowing that it will be heard but also not being heard nor understood. Feel barricades all around me.

It’s very dark inside my heart and there is a bright light. Everything’s made of crystals and also some jelly. A pinkish red hue and lots of light going through it, reflections going everywhere, kinda awe inspiring. More crystals than there are dark area. The ones that are there are white, not quite opaque and not quite clear either.

Drifting away from that crystal jelly space. Into a dark space. Feels heavy.  It’s a space I go to when I don’t want to let anybody in. It’s heavy and stuffy. I created this when I was young. I can’t go back to the place of the crystals but I can sit next to it.

The gut feels very dark. There are actually many colors underneath that dark. It isn’t so much the space but the reflections from the dark. It is now getting more luminous with the crystal I brought. I don’t want to let go of the dark. Then I won’t have somewhere to go. It’s like my rabbit hole. There are a few dark spots and they all join together to become a bigger space.

This tension in my upper chest, like being submerged in water. It feels very dark in here. It feels like part of my limbs is still attached to this place. There’s a ball in my chest that seems to want to reach out to grab things. It’s a thing with vines covered with spikes and it is looking at me. It keeps growing spikes and things, covering everything. It has a malicious side to it. It is not happy that I can see it now.

Can we send it buckets full of love?

It’s not looking at me anymore. Its eyes are closed. It is quite bright and colorful now. Like flowers all over it. It reminds me of things that I’ve held onto for a while until now. It’s pulling stuff out. It is now spiralling around pulling out negative feelings. I feel like I haven’t cared for anyone for a while. It’s waking up now and it feels happier, more permanent and more resilient. It is now spreading to my heart, the rest of my body. It feels warming.

Afterwards: I feel more here now. When I was here earlier I felt like I was more in my head. Now it’s like I am here in here (indicating the heart)

Being Different is not a Deficit

different not a deficit

This is a transcript from dreamer who had been experiencing anxiety and depression for about two years. Sometimes during a dream session, another voice appears, distinctly different as if someone else were speaking, and referring the dreamer in the third person. We call this ‘channelling’ and the dreamer may or may not be aware of it. I will always ensure that the dreamer feels safe about what is happening. Here’s the dream:

There’s anxiety like heat where my heart is, a burning sensation. Now a warm sensation. (She starts to cry, and her voice changes to a soft, soothing tone.)  It’s very tired, eyes are very tired. Is sick of being tired. Is sick of being who she is. Doesn’t like herself. Cannot accept her personality. That’s what’s causing her tiredness and her sadness. A lot of grief in her. She has to recognize who she is. She’s here to bring light. She’s here to be the light. Light up the path for others. To awaken others to their divine selves.

There are lessons that she needs to learn before she can start the work. She keeps forgetting her true self. She allows her thoughts to wreak havoc within her. Her heart is fearful. That’s the reason she feels so alone. She needs to see that she is more powerful than the fear inside of her. This is a challenge. She is stuck because she does not realize the fear that lies within her. That is also the reason for her recent binges. Addiction to sweets and food that is not beneficial to her.

It is her fear of power that leads her to make those choices. She is afraid that being in her power will cause her to go insane. Losing control. Whenever she is pure in her intentions and when she is fully in her heart she is pure light. The fear that bubbled within has caused much stress. She has not carefully looked at it and instead allowed it to move into her heart space causing much anxiety and tears. It’s the fear that keeps her from feeling joy.

This pain she feels comes from the highest standards that she placed on herself. She magnifies all that she perceives as her imperfections and she allows herself to get upset over them. The key for her to move into her power is self acceptance. To appreciate her own uniqueness and to honor her differences. She is different from other people and she need not treat it like a deficit. It’s this difference that will help her to bring light to others. This is something she must learn to value and not condemn.

She is often in conflict because she compares herself to others. She sees other people doing things and she gets worried because she feels she can’t do the same. She can do anything that she sets out to do. She keeps reinforcing this perception of herself as a social imbecile. There are many things which she worries about not being able to do, like being able to carry on a conversation or being able to make people laugh.  Once she embraces herself this will all come very naturally to her. She just needs to relax to being herself. That’s how she will be able to relate to others who have gone through the same pain of not accepting themselves. It’s only when she finally embraces herself that she will be able to help others.


There’s a table with an oyster and a pearl. It says will remove all my scars. Says pay attention to your heart. Taking care of the others is not taking care of yourself. I eat the pearl, swallowing it down. It’s shining inside me. My whole body is emitting light. Another black pearl there. It just appeared. Eat it. Why are they asking me to eat so many pearls? Eat it. The pearl is floating and talking to me. Feels like it is challenging me. Grab. It’s shiny, it is black and it is shining, like a very bright light. I eat it. It removes a layer around my heart. Seems to be enveloping my heart. Now my heart is shining very brightly. The shell of the oyster closes.

Asked whether I want to go somewhere else. It is very playful. I am still in doubt. It says that I’m such a boring person. I asked if my skin will recover. She said oh yes you silly. She says to meditate. I don’t like meditation. She asked me to sing. Happy songs, nursery rhymes. Okay that’s easy.  My skin condition. They said I am curious. Experimenting on myself. They say I have no idea how powerful my mind is. To use my mind wisely I can get great things done. I have leadership qualities but I don’t like to use it. You tend to lose a lot of friends.

The wind blows and we are off to another place. Camels, trees.

He says he’s my grandfather but I told him I’ve never met him. He says that I don’t have to meet him in order for him to be my grandfather. I’m asking him “are you sure that I can recover?” He says to trust myself. That I am afraid.

He’s using a hammer on my head. It is not painful. He’s trying to fix something. My stomach, screws. My eyes he’s painting. He’s also painting my body.  Brushes look white. He’s painting open my eyes. Strokes after strokes. Just area of my eye below the skin. I could feel myself floating. It’s done.

The head. Opening up. He’s looking into it. Removing stuff from my head. He taking it out and throwing it away. Rubbish. He takes, he looked and then he threw. Once he threw on the floor it is gone. All rubbish. Even threw away my brain. Taking out some juice from the brain. Green, something oily. The brain now kind of gets fatter. Back into my head. I asked whether is it done. He said yes, please don’t dirty it again.

Maybe I should change a new heart for you. It’s not pumping correctly. It is very still. An old lady’s heart. He tossed it away and there’s a new one in his hand. And he just put it in. My stomach is messy.  I can see that it is a nasty green. He’s grumbling, so many things to do for you. He’s fixed it. He’s tired. Is falling asleep by the side.


While grandfather was asleep, I asked if there was anyone else who could offer help. I was completely taken aback by what happened next... Read about it in: Nothing Is Ever Impossible

Love is …..


This young lady was feeling anxious about life in general and relationships in particular. Sometimes during these dream sessions, the dreamer refers to herself in the third person. That’s when we know another part of her is present to offer insights otherwise not available to the conscious mind.

I feel like I’m radiating love and joy. Everyone has that part in us, as a child radiating light and love and joy, childlike innocence, little girl sense of joy and wonder within us. The little girl wants to make sure the world is safe before she comes out of the cave to play..

What’s making her feel it’s unsafe?

She cannot handle the world by herself, she is powerless and lost. She feels that she cannot do it.

There must have been experiences that gave her those kind of feelings. Let’s check.

There are times when she tries to speak out, to give herself a voice but it usually ends up that she is wrong or she gets shot down. She stays inside because she does not know how to deal with the world.

Her gut feels blocked. A lot of mushy stuff. The junk is all the beliefs that override my gut feeling. The beliefs that tell me my gut is wrong, that I shouldn’t trust my gut. I feel that I allow others to dump their shit on me.

Let’s have a talk with that part of you that allowed it.

Part of me feels that I’m responsible for everything, my heart that’s filled with compassion for people. I thought that by opening myself up and letting them dump their stuff, I’m helping alleviate their pain. 

Ask that compassionate part of you to show what you can do.

My presence, just holding a strong presence when with them. To do that I’ll have to step out of my shell, not hiding. Not stepping out, I cannot be present.

When I step out to the world it doesn’t seem as dark as I thought it is. It is also quite bright and there are those who are like me and those on the journey. They’re all cheering for me and welcoming me to join them. They’re all on the same purpose. It feels safe, peaceful and calm knowing that someone has my back.

The cave is like the lost little girl wanting to come out and play but is fearful. I have to continue to work and trust myself, and to trust my intuition and my gut. I’ve got to talk to people, knowing that they are there on the path, the same journey as me, instead of trying to do everything myself and sitting there alone.  And to receive love from people.

I am comfortable giving love but I block myself from receiving love. I feel that it comes with responsibilities. I think that love is a heavy burden because there is a lot of expectations. That I need to pay a heavy price for love, for accepting it.

How so?

That belief came from from my parents. To get to their love I have to do things a certain way. It’s tiring. I’d rather not have that love. I’ve not experienced a love that I did not have to pay a price for. 

Let’s go experience that Source of love, that you can have as much as you want, and there’s no payment required. Go to that space and feel it.

Feels good just bathing in unconditional love. Yes, we don’t owe anyone anything. If people want to give love, it is up to them. But I do not feel obliged to have to pay or repay them. The best thing I can do is to accept that love and open my heart to it.

Ties that Bind

brown rope tangled and formed into heart shape on brown wooden rail

Photo by Pixabay on


There’s a white space. I am outside looking at it. It’s a square and looks quite small. I feel as if I could step into it if I wanted to. Now inside and feels like I am floating. It’s huge, I can’t see the end. It feels nice. I am tumbling around in this space just having fun. It is not like I can walk in this space. I’m just tumbling around not going anywhere. I see a planet on the left corner. Maybe I’m just making it up.

There is a light, bluish black and I’m standing on something spherical. It feels as if I can get sucked into it. Now it feels green, like moss, softer. More like planet earth, somewhere with a lot of green, grass, green paddocks. The sky is blue.

This is weird but now it’s something like a ship. A really old sunken ship. I’m under the sea. It feels like some people in there are related to me. It feels female. She says she’s my mother. I’m trying to tell her to let me go. She doesn’t want me to. She keeps wanting me to visit the sunken ship but I don’t want to. I don’t really want to visit here anymore. She doesn’t want to leave the ship. She wants me to stay with her. She does not want to lose me. But I want to be free. I can’t leave her if she’s not okay. I keep coming back to visit her.

Is there anybody else around to take care of her?
She has the goddess of mercy.

Ask the goddess what you can do about it.
She says I have to go. It is not helping all of us. We have separate tasks. My mom has things to do but that is not my path. She keeps making me do that. I’m not strong enough to discern which path I need to take when I’m around her.
Goddess says I need to find new ways to let my mom know that I care. She says that I need to pray for my mom. Daily make a wish that she’ll be happy.

You’re feeling that you’re stuck in your present life, is this part of it?
I always feel I couldn’t explore things that I wanted to. But if I did, not just my mom but my dad would get devastated. There’ll be drama. And I am just too tired to deal with the drama. I hate the drama so I just don’t. Don’t have the energy to deal with them.

So not just release from your mom but also your dad. Can goddess help?
That’s done. Tired but relieved.

Any more things that you need to release?
My grandmother wanted me to stay. Grandma knows that she can’t have me forever but she’s just trying her luck, saying things that will make me stay. She knows I’ll leave but will know the time to come back to her side.

Goddess said I don’t communicate and that makes people very confused. I need to tell my grandmother I have to go and why I need to go but I don’t, so she doesn’t understand. She says the most compassionate thing that I can do is to allow the people who love me to know me. I need her to help me.

How will she do it?
She says when I think about her I will do it.

Can she show you your new path?
She cannot.



She studied overseas and wished to remain there. However, her family insisted that she returned home upon completion to fulfill her filial responsibilities. She was in healthcare services and became severely depressed. 

Her amazing adventure and startling revelations continue in Part 2, New Brain

Where is Joy?

background blur bokeh bright

Photo by Pixabay on

This middle-aged lady wanted to know why she could never feel happy. She had tried finding answers in religion and that left her more fearful than before. This is not something that people will go seek professional assistance; having a dream session seems an interesting innovative adventure. 

There’s a cave and there are steps going up. I can see somebody sitting there. I need to bow down. His face looks familiar.

Perhaps you’d like to ask your questions?

Why am I always not happy? He says I’m always afraid. That I am trapped inside. I can’t get out like, buried alive underground.

There’s a the light, just follow that light. Because when there is light you’re not afraid of the dark. Light now on top of my head. It’s always up there, I never knew!

When you feel the light up there you can feel it all over your body as well. The body feels good. The body is getting lighter and the mind is getting clearer.

Why did she have to experience all that pain?

There is no love in her heart. She needs to love. She needs to be open. She’s closed. Always closed all the time. She lost love a long time ago. She can’t find it. She needs to open her heart.

Can the light open the heart so that she can love?

The body is all warm now. Heart opened up and the light is filling it up. Actually feel like an angel now. The light filled up my heart.

What’s her purpose?

To love herself and to love others. She always remembers her past and never lets it go.  It’s not her fault. She didn’t know. She has these people who don’t know how to love, so she doesn’t know how. She has to always remember and remember and remember to love herself, love herself and love herself.

She needs to forgive everybody, just forgive everybody. She never forgives anybody. Just remember forgive, forgive, forgive everybody.

She needs to live without guilt. Everybody have their choices. Don’t take away their choices. Don’t get so tied up with everybody’s lives. You’re not responsible for their lives. Just go with the flow. She’s always been so rigid, so uptight, so hard on herself.

If something she wants to do, go ahead and do it. Don’t be afraid of what other people think. Be happy. Don’t be so afraid, always looking back.

Go with friends who are happy. Don’t go back to the old ways. Go out and explore. She has so much fear. It started with her childhood. She has nothing to fear now. Everything is for the better, not stuck.


After the session she said that she felt so much lighter and clearer. She instinctively was aware of being in the presence of a ‘higher authority’, thus the need to bow. “I feel very different, I want to change my name. That name had too much pain, fear and suffering.”

Sometimes the dreamer appears to channel the person they’re interacting with, who then refers to the dreamer in the third person and we proceed to discuss issues previously brought up. The dreamer is still present, listens in to the conversation and is able to ask further questions. There was this other one who quipped in with “yeah, I was going to ask that question too” 🙂

The New Brain

This dream session took place in 2010. It provided startling information that fueled my curiosity into what else we could do with the brain. I started asking dreamers if they could see their brains and describe how it looks/feels. Each brain is unique in dream perception, yet work carried out to clean, repair broken connections, etc. often result in dreamers feeling brighter and more balanced afterwards. Exciting new possibilities continue to unfold. Here’s the dream that started it all.

I’m now going back to that space. The blue and black one. The spherical one. It is much nicer there. I feel better. I feel safer, more comfortable. I see a lot of small robot like things zipping around but there’s no talking whatsoever, just zipping around.

I hear the words “welcome home”. I can’t describe it but there are things that I have never seen before, yet feels familiar. There is something that is talking to me. Not someone, something. They say what I’m doing is not working. That I need to find another way. That I need to restart. That I have accumulated too much rubbish, too much stuff.

Can’t they help you clean it?
They can but they wanted me to do it by myself. I’m too lazy to do it. It’s too much. 

Can they clean it up so that you can restart?
I have to say ‘please’. They say “who asked you to go and play with the humans then”?

So will they do it?
Yes, they are clearing. They show me a picture. They say turn around and look, and there is this trail of baggage, luggage bags that I have been carrying. And they asked why I’m carrying all that junk (emotional baggage) and they threw it out into space. And it just disappears. It feels pretty cool like they throw it out and it just disappears.

They keep mumbling like “how do you accumulate so much stuff?” They’re  looking at it but they don’t have a face and it’s like “what’s all this?” (laughter) They’re fiddling around with it and just threw it out.

I’m feeling very much lighter already. I’m asking for a new body and they say go to the workshop. Need a new brain. This one is worn out.

They giving you a new brain??
They are not making it too easy. I must promise not to abuse it. They say it is not so easy to just come and get a new one.  It was too hard to clear old one. They say it is important to keep that old one as they need to get information out of it. Now it’s done.

They say my body was made for understanding some of the human things. It was made to sense the human suffering. It’s not a body that can do things.

We’ve(*) been watching her and she spends way too much time taking on other peoples’ stuff. She works through it within her body, and gives it back, but doesn’t work on her own stuff and that’s why it drains her.

She’s like a firefly. She is one light and she needs the other lights. Until she finds them she cannot be as effective as she can be. She knows she needs to be at this space and is getting glimpses of it. Earlier she said she wanted to come home and we said no, we needed her to help earth.

They say that I’ll get some kind of answer by the end of the year and I need to take it easy till then. They will have some more clues and will be in contact again. They say they will try to place her in a location because location is really important to her and they can’t decide at this point right now. By the end of the year things will get clearer.


*Sometimes we get another ‘voice’ coming through, speaking of the dreamer in the third person, from another perspective. Pronouns tend to shift around a bit between first & third person, with the dreamer sometimes referring to herself in third person as well. 

I met her a few months later. She happily showed me some automatic writing that she’d done in response to questions in her mind, and was really excited to be going to a distant remote area for work.

Don’t Kill The Lion

Ride the Lion

I walked into an endless darkness and then I ended up in front of my house. That’s where I see my mom as she was 10 years ago. And she’s looking at me. I saw my dad. He’s even further away in the distance.

I’m still standing there (she starts to cry) I want to ask her “do you love me as a daughter?” She hugs me. She didn’t say anything. In that hug I feel very warm and it’s coming from her. It feels very safe. There is no more questions I want to ask. I think I have the answer.

I saw my grandmother, my father’s mom. She told me not to be afraid. She said I need to be brave. She said I have to make decisions on my own. Even if it upsets my mom. She said my dad would be fine. I told her I miss her a lot. Actually she already passed away (more tears). She says she is with me always. Her hand touches my head and she gives me a kiss on my forehead. And she points to the sky.

Next step is to find your life path, to experience who you are and what on earth you are doing here.

I’m standing on top of a mountain, like a cliff. And I can see a lot of mountains, rivers that are lower and sceneries. It feels kind of great and that I am a lion. I enjoy staying there. I feel like jumping off.

It feels weird, like I am in space. There are stars and it’s huge. There is someone who come to me. Not someone I know. He is wearing robes. We are kind of floating. He’s asking why am I there. He knows me and he’s taking me somewhere.

There are sheets of light floating in the air. It is very calm with lots of light. There are others dressed like him. He’s taking me to a cave and it is dark. He is taking me deep into the cave. There is an object shining very brightly and he passed it to me. It feels warm and he asked me to bring it back. He said I forgot to bring it. He said it will remind me of who I am.

I see the reflection on this thing and it is not my face. It is very warm, and it feels like I once dressed like him. Feeling very calm. And love, very strong sense of love. Still holding that thing. It is put into my body and it travels to my heart region. It is shining there in my heart. It feels very joyful. I feel a lot of energy flow.

I feel my heart just now and it was sad. I see a space and it looks like my heart. It looks very horrible, a lot of darkness, dirty, slimy, eee. Those dirty things are fading away. Like they are melting. They have disappeared.

There are pieces that when they melt hurt a bit. It’s kind of solid. He said it’s been there too long and that I did it to myself. Those wounds were cut by myself.

He put his palm on my shoulder. I feel like there is light shining through my body. Light is shining within my body but it fades when he removes his hand. He told me to put my hand on my heart and feel the thing. It is not as strong as when he did it but he says I need to practice. To feel it all the time. He said that it should not be on and off, it should be always on, that I was like that. He’s taking me out of the cave now, sending me off.

Ask why did you leave that space to come to earth

He shows me this this dark space and a path that is light, and I’m walking that path. And I need to walk it through. At the end of the path there is a door. He says that once I make it to the door I can come back to his space.

He say that I need to get something.  I saw myself walking on the path. And there are some flowers and grass and that is spiky. I’m walking on it barefoot and it is bleeding. And he says that I have to ‘get it’ once I’m on that path.  He said I chose to do it. To have to pass through this thorny path.

He said it is not the path that is thorny. That it is not about the path. It is about how I handle it. He said once I ‘get it’ the thorns will no longer be there. The reason why I feel the thorns is because I haven’t got it.

And your mom was part of this? 

Yes. The purpose is to learn about that thorny stuff and to love myself. He said don’t lose that thing again.

You saw yourself as a lion before. Can we have more information about that?

This is something about courage. He showed me an image of the lion standing there. And that it jumped and that was why I was brought to him. It was with courage that I was able to go to him. It seems the lion is representation of power and that jump was a leap of faith that opens up space.

He said keep it that way and don’t kill the lion. He said I tried to kill it. He showed me the image of the lion in a cage. I had a knife and I was hurting the lion. And the lion was in an iron cage. I looked a bit depressed, very sad and desperate. I told the lion I don’t need you anymore. That I’ll be fine without the lion.

Not being scared, don’t back off and leap. That’s how I came to him. And I need the lion to do that. It’s a part of me who brings me forward. It is something that pushes me forward. I kinda know when the lion is doing that, and not to ignore it. I need to ride it.

He said if I need him or need guidance, the lion will take me to him. Just ride the lion and the lion will charge somewhere far and I will rise to a place. He’s waiting there for me. He said I need to be sure that I wanted it otherwise I will not be able to get there.